Shiny Things

Shiny things look pretty, but they rarely make you money.

You know what does make you money?

Putting yourself out there and telling people what you’re about.

I just had a conversation with a client about the website they’re building, the new camera they got for videos, the new tech they need to set up, and the book they want to send to all of their clients when they sign up.

You know what she said about all of these things? 

“My brain is on fire.” She was feeling extremely overwhelmed.

Have you ever thought this or said this to yourself? If so, this is for you.

Making sure your website, Insta feed, or facebook profile pic is beautiful is not going to get people to sign up for your offer.

Having a nice camera and state of the art tech is not going to get more people either.

People are not going to work with you because you’re going to send them something nice when they sign up.

You know why people will sign up for your offer? 

They’ll sign up for you. Who you show up as. And how the product you’re offering can help them.

That’s it.

They want a problem solved.

So solve their problem.

The story that things needs to be pretty in order to sign people up is a cop out.

That story is keeping you safe. It’s keeping you from putting yourself out there and actually helping people solve the problem you want to solve.

For those of you saying you want a pretty website, video, insta feed, or booklet. That’s fine! I’m not saying don’t have those things.

But if you’re more worried about having those things than signing people up for your offer than be prepared to not see the bonuses that you want, or the income that you aspire to.

If you want to make the money you need to have an offer. That’s it.

You can sell anything without a website, a purchase gift, a quality video, or a well designed feed.

You just need to be able to show someone that you can solve their problem.

So go solve some problems, my friend.

Desi

Learning from Every Day

“Maybe… this could be the best thing to happen!”

My husband, Brett, works in athletics and he spends the whole year preparing and marketing for a big basketball tournament that happens in March.  This year, because of the COVID19 pandemic, the basketball tournament was cancelled halfway through.  He was crushed.

The day we got home from the tournament Brett wrote this on our fridge: “Maybe… this could be the best thing to happen!”

Little did we know that later in the month his pay would be reduced, his family would be infected with COVID19, his dad would spend more than 30 days in the hospital, and Brett wouldn’t be able to travel to support his family in a physical sense.

This quote helped us through a lot of hard times and it’s a constant reminder for me to look for the good.

I plan to have this printed and in our house because with anything happening in life, this can be the reminder that there’s a purpose.

There is always a reason.

When something goes “wrong” we often try to deny it, fight it, or avoid it. We try to say that something “shouldn’t be happening”.  

But think about this for a second: If something isn’t supposed to happen, would it?

I honestly believe it wouldn’t. There are higher powers involved in everything, and when anything good or bad happens in my life, or in the world, I see that there can be a purpose, even if I don’t know what that purpose is.

So what if everything was for your benefit?… What do you think would happen if you started seeing everything as working for you instead of against you?  

Our brains are powerful. When we tell ourselves that everything in the world is going wrong, our brains will search for evidence of how that is true. We’ll begin to see even deeper how wrong things are and feel a lot of negativity.

The same is true for thinking positively. When we remind ourselves to look at the world in a way that benefits us, we begin to see evidence for our positive thinking. 

A couple examples:

Brett’s family was infected with COVID19 and his dad spent over a month in the hospital. At times it was hard to see how this could be working for us.  How could anything good come from something so painful?

Every day we noticed the simple reminder Brett wrote after the tournament and we would discuss all of the blessings we had seen. A few of the blessings that carried us through this time were people reaching out with comfort and some sending financial help, his family creating an amazingly strong bond, and our relationship with God was definitely strengthened during this time.

On another note, the other day my son, Tate, had a rough day.  If you’re a parent you understand that a child’s bad day is often a bad day for you.  I felt like I handled it the best that I could. I would remind myself that kids are allowed to have bad days, that I don’t need to change a thing, and I am a strong mom who could handle this.

As the day continued, Tate continued to get hurt and throw tantrums over the smallest things. I was almost at my wits end! When I remembered the quote on the fridge:

“Maybe… this could be the best thing to happen”

… Maybe…

I thought to myself, “What do I have to learn from today and how can I be better after today?”

I learned patience.

I learned that it’s OK if kids cry, I can walk away.

I learned to take away stimulation, so we’re watching way less TV around here now.

I learned that any day can be made good through my own thoughts!

It doesn’t mean that I deny the things happening, or pretend like everything is OK.

It means that I truly believe everything is OK. It means I take what I can from that day and I don’t have to fear the possibility of future days like this. I handled today, which means I can handle any day in the future. It also means I accept the day for what it was, a harder day than normal.

Maybe… every day is exactly what it needs to be.

It’s possible there is something I can learn from each day, regardless of it being “good” or “bad”.

I get to decide each day, what it means, what I learn, and how I feel through my thoughts– The sentences in my brain. 

Life doesn’t happen to me, it happens for me and with me.

If I truly believe that my brain will find all the evidence it needs to make every day exactly what I need.

Your friend,

Desi

How to Handle Hard Things

How do you handle hard things?

I usually head to the pantry to make something sweet, scroll social media mindlessly for hours, or throw on The Office while I do things around the house so I can avoid my thoughts and think about the show.

I’ve been noticing that this hasn’t worked for me and that none of those things are actually “handling” the situation.

Here’s why: the minute I shut the TV off, get done with my cupcake, or put my phone away the uncomfortable feelings rush in and my thoughts go right back to the “hard” things I want to avoid.

Here’s what I’ve started doing: the other day I woke up with some anxiety…

  • First I always take time to name my emotions, this gives me power in knowing how to handle it.
  • I then started by finding it specifically in my body, where is it, what does it feel like, is it tight or loose, strong or weak, fast or slow, does it have a color?
  • Next I took some time to appreciate it – there’s always a reason I’m feeling anxious, it comes from my thoughts, and I appreciate that my body tells me when something is off.  Brains connection to body is so cool!
  • I honored my feelings, let it know that it could hang out all day and it wasn’t a problem.
  • Once in a while I’ll even talk to the negative emotion in my body, I let it know that I recognize it and that it’s OK if it wants to hang out – this might sound cooky to you but it’s helps my brain see that it’s just a feeling in my and it can’t hurt me.
  • Then, I went on with my day – I didn’t try to avoid this feeling or change my thoughts to feel better, I just let it be there.

You know what happened? The negative emotion stayed with me all day, it slowly lost intensity throughout the day, but it stayed. It also didn’t ruin my day! 

Here’s what I’ve learned from fully allowing any emotion: 

  • Feeling emotions all the way through is very powerful for many reasons.
  • When I allow myself time to process the things I’m feeling the tension in my body seems to release more than when I avoid.
  • Being OK to feel negatively keeps me from compounding more negativity in my life.
  • It’s OK to feel uneasy all day, and by being OK with uneasiness it releases it’s hold and I can feel all the good emotions even while feeling underlying uneasiness.
  • My self-confidence flows stronger when I allow myself to fully feel any emotion, positive OR negative.

I can handle any emotion or feeling and I know that it can’t hurt me because ultimately I’M IN FULL CONTROL. 💕

Who’s Taking Care of You?

How are you feeling at the end of the day?  Are you feeling drained from giving energy and love to your children and attempting to fill everyone’s needs?

How many times do you get to the end of the day feeling a slight hint of resentment because no one is prioritizing your needs?

Your needs are currently on the back burner… Whose problem is it?

… I know you won’t want to admit it’s your problem, right?

It’s definitely someone else’s because you’ve spent all day taking care of everyone else that someone needs to take care of you.

Thinking like that my friend, will leave your needs on the back burner and will likely flow over into other areas of your life, including your marriage.

Here’s some tough love, emphasis on the love.

Stop neglecting your needs.

Take some time each day to take care of you and the things you want.

You know your needs better than anyone! You’re the best person to take care of you.

Use nap times to do the things you’ve been putting off.

If your children no longer nap, start implementing “quiet time” daily to fill up your hypothetical cup.

What things can be done later?  What things can you delegate?

There is plenty of time in a day for you to take care of the needs of your family and also take care of you.

If you’re feeling exhausted and think taking time for yourself will just add to that exhaustion then that’s exactly what will happen.

However, if you think about doing something for yourself as energizing and rejuvenating then that’s exactly what it will be!

Stop wasting time resenting your husband and your children for taking up all of your energy and start prioritizing yourself.

Self care is everything but selfish.

If you take care of your needs you’ll be more equipped to take care of others. 

You are the best person to take care of you, my friend.

Don’t let your needs sit on the back burner anymore.

When you take some time for yourself you’ll gain an increased confidence and love for yourself and those around you.

If you need help with any of this I’m just a click away.

Your friend,

Desi

Thoughts vs Facts

With many things in life we have brain chatter.  Things are going on around us and we’re having thoughts that often come automatically about the things happening.

We often think that our thoughts throughout the day are the facts of the day, when really they’re just the things we’re thinking.

It’s important to understand the difference between thoughts and facts.  When we recognize that our thoughts about something are creating a negative feeling we no longer feel like we need to change the facts and can instead take a look at our thinking.

Here’s an example, my husband tells me he doesn’t know what I do all day.  My immediate thought is “he doesn’t respect me as a wife and mother of our children”.  This might make me feel hurt and disrespected. I might even go further to say “if he truly loved me he would recognize my work as an at-home mom.”

Now a story that was just about my husband’s confusion turns into a story about him not loving me and not respecting me.  This story hurts. It’s painful to think I’m married to a man that doesn’t see my work.

The power of knowing thoughts versus facts allows me to see this story might not be as painful as I’m currently making it.

Let’s take a step back, what are the facts.  The facts are: I have a husband, he said words to me, and the words he said are “I don’t know what you do all day”. 

When those facts are laid out like that they’re not as harmful right.  There’s nothing about lack of love, respect, or recognition in those facts.  There’s just a thought that a man shared with his wife. This shows that the feeling of hurt and disrespect are completely coming from the thoughts I had about my husband’s comment.

The circumstance wasn’t what was painful, it was all the thoughts that came after that made the situation painful.

Having the ability to know the difference between thoughts and circumstances can cut down on the amount of drama in our lives and allow us to choose how we react to circumstances.

Knowing my thoughts were causing me pain means I can maybe see my husbands words in a different view.  Maybe I would be willing to ask him what he meant by that before thinking that he’s being rude.  

I get to choose how I react but it takes understanding that I have the power over my reaction 100% of the time thanks to the power of thoughts.

When I don’t like the way I feel about a situation I always turn an activity that allows me to seperate the thoughts from the facts so I can see what’s really causing my feelings.  I write out everything going on in the situation and then I write the facts on one side of the page and all my thoughts and emotions go on the other side of the page.  

This really helps me see that my thoughts are not my circumstance and yes, there are things out of my control in the situation, but my feelings are always in my control.  

Try out the above activity next time you’re feeling negatively and you’re not wanting to feel that way.

Your friend,

Desi

Is Confidence Different from Self-Confidence?

Simply, yes!

Confidence comes from external things.  Validation from others, past experience, and past training can all build up confidence and allow you to feel capable of accomplishment.

Self-confidence comes from internal knowledge that it doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past, you believe in you unconditionally.  

Confidence can often be depleted thanks to past failure or others remarks where self-confidence doesn’t rely on any of that and can only be depleted by your thoughts about you.

Only you can hurt your self-confidence.

Here’s an example: 

The other day my one and a half year old son, Tate, was playing on the play gym outside of our apartment and tried to walk down a couple stairs like a normal sized human. He caught his heel and began to tumble when his dad caught him, luckily.

My first thought was, “I hope he learns from his mistake and doesn’t try that again!” 

But what did Tate do?  He immediately crawled back up the steps, grabbed the rail, and stepped off the top step again.  This time he successfully landed on the next step down and he proceeded to walk down the rest of the stairs until he reached the bottom.

Once at the bottom he turned around, came back to the top, and practiced going down once over and over.

This was an amazing example to me of self-confidence.

If he were relying on just confidence itself there could be some self-doubt about his ability to walk down the stairs because of past experiences.

But because he’s a one year old and has no fear of judgement or failure itself, the self-doubt had no chance to creep in and he had full faith in his capabilities.

Self-doubt can keep us from trying so many things along with fear of failure and judgement!

What if, on a scale from 1-10, your self confidence was at a 10 in all things?  What would you try? What self-doubt could you crush? What failures would you be willing to experience? What judgements would you be willing to let go of? Who would you be if failure meant growth?

Think about some of those things and if you have questions sign up for a free consultation and lets chat!

Your friend,

Desi

5 Things I Learned In 2019

I believe 2019 has been one of the most influential years in my life yet.

In previous years I have seen growth in myself, but never anything like I experienced in 2019.

I’d like to share with you the places where I saw the most growth in my life and how I handled such changes.

Below are the 5 things I learned in 2019 that I plan to take with me for the rest of my life.

How to have a human experience

I know what you’re thinking, a human experience? That’s an interesting way to put it.  Here’s what I mean. We are humans, we came to earth to experience all that life has to offer, the good and the bad.  We knew coming here that it wouldn’t be easy but it also didn’t have to be hard.  

By understanding that pain and negative emotions are all part of the “human experience” it’s helped me to see that negative does not mean bad.  

I believe there’s positives and negatives in all things and I’m over here trying to stay in the positive, which is fine… but if I want to know the positive well I need to know the negative.  I need to experience hard things and emotions I try to avoid.  

Because I now understand the “human experience” I can let go of the expectation that I need to be happy and positive all the time.  It’s OK if you feel a negative emotion like frustration, anger, annoyance, or sadness because it’s all part of the experience of life. 

I am no longer in search of happiness. I’m on the hunt to experience everything life has to offer.

How to step out of my comfort zone

Comfort zones are just that.  It’s the area in our life where we feel comfortable, things seem easy, and we often don’t see a reason for change.  

I liken it to mornings.  I’ve just had a nice sleep and I wake up cozy under a big pile of blankets.  The room is cold, but the pile I’m under is warm, and I initially feel no need to peel back those covers and experience the cold.  Until, something within me longs for something outside of this comfortable space I have.  

The first step of peeling back the blankets and plopping my feet on the cold, hard wood, floor is never comfortable.  It is however, always worth it.  

This year I did more than peel back the warm blankets, I left the house and stepped out into the busy world (metaphorically, obviously).  

You may ask why it’s important to step out of your comfort zone? Because if you stay in bed, under the covers, you will never know all that is available to you, the love or heartbreak, beauty or pain, joy or disappointment.  It’s worth it for experience.

The best way to step out of your comfort zone is just to dive into something. Don’t hold back. Pick something you never thought you’d do. Set a goal you never think you’ll reach. Then go all in! The growth will bring some discomfort, as it always does. But I promise you’ll walk away stronger and most likely even happier than you are staying where you’re comfortable. 

How to plan a successful week

A lot of the growth I experienced in 2019 came from listening to a podcast called Better Than Happy and attending The Life Coach School.  I learned the tool of planning a successful week from Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School.

Learning time management and the skill of scheduling has made me so much more productive than I’ve ever been.  It’s honestly what’s helping me write this blog post that I’ve been putting off.

You see, when we don’t plan things out and we follow a to-do list there’s a high chance that everything on that list won’t be completed.  On the other hand, if you schedule each thing on your to-do list and then you follow your schedule not only do you learn that you can trust yourself but you also accomplish so much.

If you take anything from this section of this post it’s that you need to try scheduling everything on your to-do list and then THROW THE LIST AWAY! 

I promise you won’t regret it.

How to manage my anxiety

This part of 2019 took up some time. I continue to work on it today and everyday it gets a little bit easier.

The first important lesson I learned about anxiety is that it’s normal and it’s OK to feel anxious.  This feels important to share because I think we often try to shove anxiety down and avoid it at all cost.  That seems normal to me because anxiety can feel heavy; however, it’s not, it’s just a feeling that seems important.

I’ve learned to accept my anxiety and appreciate the fact that my brain wants to protect me.  I no longer hide from it or try to avoid it, I embrace and allow it to hang out with me however long it chooses to stay.

Here’s the thing, if you know anxiety you know that the minute you stop avoiding it it’s going to come back 10 times worse than it was.  So I have learned that if I just allow myself the discomfort of letting it be there and I stop trying to hide from it, the feeling usually goes away on it’s own over time.

If it doesn’t go away that’s OK, I can handle it!  But it usually does.

How to strengthen my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ

This also took the entire year to learn but it was so worth it that I continue working on it today!  

I began by studying my scriptures. Then that made me want to study books that would strengthen this relationship. Then that lead to me wanting self improvement and to be as much like Christ as I can.

I’ve found that true joy comes from the ability of being able to intentionally choose for ourselves how we want to live, act, and feel.  If I can intentionally choose to love others regardless of how they treat me that makes me feel like I’m living a life more in line with Christ.

I decided to spend much of 2019 trying to understand what it means to be Christ-like and how I can live my life in line with his.  I also want others to be able to feel love through me no matter who they are (this is a trait I can imagine Christ has). By striving to be more like Christ, understanding my decisions, intentionally choosing how I want to think instead of falling victim to my own brain, I found that my relationship with Christ has strengthened.

This will be a relationship that I’ll nourish and cultivate my entire life, but placing the stepping stones this past year was the best time spent.  I love Jesus Christ, I’m grateful for him, and I know that through living an obedient life intentionally will bring the most joy possible.

Talk to you soon!

Desi